If Cats Ran the World - 9 Laws Every Human Would Have to Follow
Let’s be honest, cats are basically little furry dictators with a penchant for mischief, comfort, and general world domination. If they had their way, humans would live under a very different set of rules. Here’s our guess at the 9 laws every human would have to follow if cats ruled the world:
1. Mandatory Five Naps Per Day
Forget “early to bed, early to rise.” Cats know that life is best experienced horizontal. Humans would be required to take five naps a day, each at a random, inconvenient time bonus points for napping on top of important paperwork.
2. All Doors Must Remain Slightly Open
Privacy? Not a priority. Convenience? Critical. Every door, cupboard, and closet must be left just slightly ajar so cats can slip in, out, or dramatically sit inside especially if it’s a space humans are currently using.
3. Treats Are Mandatory
Cats don’t negotiate they expect. Humans would be legally obliged to provide treats on demand, no questions asked. Fancy treats, crunchy treats, or even just the illusion of treats cats wouldn’t care, but the law would be clear.
4. Humans Must Speak Fluent Meow
Communication would take a revolutionary turn. Humans would have to speak fluent meow by the age of 7, with perfect intonation. Mispronounce a “meow” and you risk a cold shoulder or a hairball of judgment.
5. All Furniture is Cat Furniture
Sofas, chairs, beds, even laptops? Now officially cat property. Humans would have to move somewhere else if a cat deemed it suitable for lounging. Recliners might be “acceptable for humans” but only if the cat is nearby supervising.
6. Infinite Window Access
Cats love the view, and if they ran the world, humans would have to keep every window accessible . No locked doors, no blinds drawn, no “privacy.” Every sunbeam is a public resource, and humans must yield to cats basking in it.
7. Laser Pointers Are a National Sport
Playing with a laser pointer would be mandatory at least three times a day. Humans must chase, duck, and leap as needed to maintain national morale aka cat happiness. Failure to comply could lead to a glare so intense it stops your heart.
8. Personal Space is Optional
Humans would be expected to accept that personal space is a myth. Cats would sit on laptops, phones, faces, and dinner plates, and it’s not just allowed it’s law. Resistance is futile.
9. Every Human Must Be Entertaining
Cats require amusement 24/7. Humans would have to provide daily entertainment , which could include weird noises, dramatic storytelling, or random, inexplicable dance routines. Bonus points if it’s inexplicably funny to a cat.
The Cat-Centric World We Deserve
Imagine it: naps, sunbeams, treats, and a lot of cat-approved chaos. While humans might grumble at first, deep down, we’d all love the simplicity, comfort, and occasional mayhem of a cat ruled planet.
So next time your cat walks across your keyboard or sits on your book, just remember they’re not being difficult. They’re practicing their world domination. And you, dear human, are just following the law.
